I picked up, I shouldn’t have.

i told myself i wouldn’t anymore. but we’re on the phone and you just asked me to come visit. again. for the third time. and before i can stop myself, i tell you that i want to. i don’t think i mean it anymore. i don’t think you believe me anymore either. so why do we keep doing this to each other? why can’t we accept that we’ve expired and just let each other go?
but i don’t let you go. instead, i let you go on about what we’ll do when i go even though i think we both know i’m never going. you say we’re going to spend the entire weekend locked up in the hotel room. you tell me that you’re going to kiss me all the way down. you ask if i remember january and i tell you i do. of course i do. i remember your fingers; the way they slipped up my skirt on the drive to the hotel and the way they tangled themselves in my hair while i knelt between you in bed. i remember our shampoo mohawks and slipping in the shower and pretending we were cats licking each other dry. i remember waking up to the feel of your hand tracing across my chest and down my tummy. i remember our last fuck. our last kiss.

i can say with utmost certainty that i had never wanted someone the way i wanted you. i wanted to love you.and at first we were great. we held on as tight as we could. after you left, we called and texted too much. we sexted. we made plans for future visits. we took pictures for each other and made videos. but then we slowed. and then there was quiet. with every unanswered calls and delayed reply i grew suspect. we were just playing and you cheated. whether you did or didn’t, i don’t know. but the doubt broke us. how many times are we going to try to fit back together? i break a bit more every time we try.

Tumblr user hennypotter (whom I adore) submitted this and you’re going to have to click through to see the image.

hennypotter