Get Cold

I smile weakly as I open the door to let you in. You smile back, and move forward to give me a hug. My entire body is alert of all your movements. I lean awkwardly on your chest, not knowing how much pressure I should allow myself on you. Your palm lies on my lower back, a slight pressure, some sort of grip as well. I pause for a while, taking in the faintest smell of you - a scene all too familiar - before sniffing and pulling myself away. You refuse to let go for a moment, before releasing me.

I move back and tug my shirt down. You tuck a stray of fallen hair behind my ear, and your hand stays at the side of my cheek. I remember nights like this. I can smell you again. I press my face lightly onto your fingers, and pull back. I walk away and grab your things which I’ve packed while waiting for your arrival. As I pass you your things, you look at me, eyes piercing with sadness. But it’s all too familiar. You take your things and stand there, with the door ajar. I lean on the door and motion for you to leave, never meeting your eyes. I stare straight down, refusing to let my threatening tears be seen by you. You pause in front of me, and I stare at your shoes. A old pair of converse, from me. A familiar sight. You lift a hand towards my face but I shift away, and move back instead. My eyes burn, and my heart is twisting. My heartbeat is pumping through my eardrums, screaming at me and competing with my mind. But as you finally walk away, and I finally close the door, my insides quieten. This is right, this is right for me. I lean my back against the door and close my eyes. This, is not familiar.

Submitted by Maroon Monday