cchugg: Warm blankets and a cool pillow hitting...

cchugg:

Warm blankets and a cool pillow hitting my face and bare skin as I snuggle deep into the safest place I know. The ache behind my eyelids as I adjust to the darkness and try to close them for extended periods of time. Your hand, sliding from my hip bone up to my most prominent rib and then slipping under my cotton shirt and across my stomach. The pull of my thigh muscle as I stretch out one leg and reach for your toes with my own socked foot. The feel of your scruff against the intersection of my neck and shoulder, where you’ve tucked your chin. Close whispers, soft nods, tired tears - those that sneak out and stream away slowly after a long yawn. Your heartbeat. Feeling my own breathing decelerate and making a mental note of it between things I have to do tomorrow and things I want to tell you tomorrow. Knowing somewhere in the bottom of my skull that this isn’t easy, but pushing that connected knot in my gut further down. Shrinking into the smallest form possible around my core. The smell of clean sheets. The ticking of my many clocks, both literal and figurative. The realization of being alone. The actualization of loneliness. Things much greater than myself and love much lesser than my own. The tiredness, sheer exhaustion hitting me in waves. This is how I fall asleep without you. These are the things I think about before I fall asleep. I think myself right into a deep slumber in which I dream, almost exclusively, about you. I am never without you, even when I am completely alone.

cchugg