I don’t want you to leave me again. I dread that...

I don’t want you to leave me again. I dread that goodbye even before our hello. I try and hold onto your hand as tight as possible and try not to cry when you pull me into a hug. My efforts never work. I hate watching you walk away. I hate watching you get onto that train or into that car. I always think you’re going to turn around and come back to me. Propose some crazy idea about running away together. I know it won’t ever happen, and I don’t really want it to because the thought is completely unrealistic, but sometimes I think it. Sometimes I hope you’ll come back for one more kiss. But we never can have one kiss. One turns into two, and two turns into more. Then it becomes even harder to let go. Sometimes it’s better to leave right when we say goodbye. It hurts too much to linger.
I watch you go, the tears even harder by then. I walk back quiet, solemn. I go back to my empty room. From a first glance, it looks the same. It looks like you were never here. Only when I crawl back into bed is when it really hits. Your forgotten sock under my covers. Your wonderful scent on my pillow. On my shirt. I pull the shirt over my head and breath you in until I fall asleep crying. I wake up the next morning in a daze. My pillow is still wet with tears and my shirt’s smell has faded. I can’t cry anymore. I curl up in a ball, close my eyes again, and pretend you’re still there. Pretend your arms are still wrapped around me and that you’re going to kiss me when you see that I’m awake. Pretend you’re going to help pull me out of my warm bed that you’re now missing from. Pretend I won’t be alone in my morning shower and pretend I don’t have to clench my fist while walking to fill the empty space between my fingers. Pretend that it won’t be a long time until I see you again. Because you’re coming back for me. You promised me you would.

sumbitted by rainydayemily,